The Moody Blues...

I so very much can't wait for my week to be over tomorrow.

Lets be honest, I can't wait for the year to be over tomorrow!

Work has been a bear for such a short period of having to be there. Add to that the knowledge that I am 98% likely not pregnant. I've decided to down grade from 100% just so that I don't sound too morose. Did it work?

I have done very well at keeping my bad mood away from the work place, but by the time I get home I'm quite miserable and blue. Pookey even told the puppy to stay away from me tonight lest I take my frustrations out on her. Well that only worked so long as she wasn't under my feet or chewing on my knee high boots.

Given that I typically pull 10 day LP's with IUI cycles I imagine that my period will arrive on Sunday...and with it insurance changes...that will likely yield us unable to try again. Sigh.

I'm rambling so I shall close...for now...just for now...

All I Want For Christmas....

 

Despite the rough two days we have had with our fur baby we decided to brave the elements and go to see Santa.  Our local mall sponsored a 2 hour event where you could bring any pet (apparently Santa posed with 5 rats last week) and have his or her photo taken with Santa.  Bentley apparently believes that she is an 80 pound lab as she much prefered the big dogs while running away from the 12 pound Yorkie who was in line in front of us.  We had so much fun in line with other puppy owners and their pets.

Bentley I must say was the star of the show as people continually asked what kind of pup she was, how old she was, could they take her home, and would I mind if they held; pet; or took a photo of her.  I said sure to all.  She really hasn't had an opportunity to socialize, and this was the perfect opportunity to see how she would react.

She neglected to tell the big guy that she disemboweled her Rudolph chew toy last weekend so she was the recipient of a carob covered dog bone. 

*Disclaimer*

This isn't her professional $17 photo, but one that I snapped "just in case"  it didn't go so well...

Puppy Angst...

Three weeks ago we brought home our adorable fur ball.  We raved about how good she is.

This weekend she has completely reverted to a tiny terror. 

Week 1 she had THREE accidents in 7 days.

This weekend in two days she has had FOUR.  Even though we are diligent in making sure that she is taken outside every hour she continues to test our patience.

The poor cat hasn't been able to have free rein all weekend because said little puppy has decided that terrorizing her is top priority.  The poor cat is 8 years old, all she wants to do is curl up in a ball and sit on someones lap.  She does not want a 3 1/2 pound hair ball to chase her whenever the mood strikes her.

This morning took the cake.  We're crate training until she decided that she can be trusted not to eat the Christmas tree, chew the grape vine rocking chair, pee on the carpet etc.  At night she is put to bed with her beloved candy cane chew toy-and her blanket.  She sleeps from 10:30-6 a.m.  this has not been deviated from until today that is.  At 5:45 I hear whining outside our bedroom door.  Unusual I thought since her crate is in the living room, but then I discovered why--she had UNZIPPED her crate, crawled under under the blanket we cover said crate with and found our bedroom in the dark.  She was oh so pleased with herself until she discovered that not only is it cold today but that is also raining.

Which leads me to another issue--it's raining so guess who refuses to try to go potty outside...you know because its wet, and she doesn't like being wet...sigh.

I keep thinking if a puppy is this hard imagine how difficult the baby is going to be!  Of course the baby won't be able to escape from his or her crib until he or she is able to stand up on their own...

2 Day Wait...And Other Count Downs...

Tonight and tomorrow mark the final 2 provera pills that I must consume. 

I can't say that this comes a moment too soon.  I've been cranky, I've been hormonal, I've been an absolute horrendous wife.  Even something as simple as home made Christmas cards wasn't enough to pull me out of the drudgery that is Provera.

Two more pills then its over!  Two more pills and then a three day wait.  Five days till AF will be here.  Eight days until I will be on CD 3.  Eight days until my EDD with our baby AJ.  Eight days until I will be on the table being wanded.

I'm off to my water aerobics class and then I'm off to do some Christmas shopping.  I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I was given an unexpected credit limit increase on one of my credit cards AND I found out that our Christmas bonus is being given on Friday.  So I'm going to stop wailing about how hormonal I am.  I'm going to stop wailing about how much I hate December.  I'm going to stop being mad at the puppy who peed on my floor.  I'm going to enjoy this happy time.  I'm going to enjoy the next two days and all of those who follow.

I would like to say I have a good feeling about this upcoming cycle...but you know what, I'm refraining from all of that.  Instead I'm going to take it one day...or in this case two days at a time...but hey whose counting?

Life As A (Puppy) Mom...

7 Weeks Old

Yesterday morning before the sun rose my nephew and I headed north to pick up the latest furry addition to my family. My hubby had planned to go with me, but having been given the option of collecting 6 more hours of over time was far more appealing. We drove through falling temperatures and blowing snow for two hours before we arrived at the appointed patch of glass where my puppy lived.

Her former mother looked like she was ready to cry when she handed me both a bag of food, and the tiniest puppy that I have ever seen. In turn with seat belts fastened, and engine turning this tiny little puppy cried, almost knowing that she was now stripped of the comfort of her real mom, having watched bother her brother and sister go the very day before.

On the way home we stopped at the pet store-needing a much smaller collar than I had originally purchased. My nephew wanted to add a bag of "designer diapers" to our purchases, but I convinced him that when he was called on to puppy sit that he would be much more appreciative of a potty trained pup than one who wore pink diapers with snow flakes on them.

Potty training started off badly. Bentley immediately urinated on my sisters rug despite being out on the lawn for almost 20 minutes with my nephew. Here at home she seems to not enjoy the potty pads, and would much rather be taken out on her leash even though she vocally dislikes her collar. Of course that only applies to her urination-we've come up with an alternative for her #2 needs--we've set up her potty pads in an old laundry basket that is made of plastic. When she begins to show the need to go to the bathroom we go outside, and 10 of 10 times she will urinate but when she fails to #2 she comes in and spends some time in the laundry basket. So far we have only had one accident for both #1 and #2 and they were her humans fault. She clearly exhibited want and need, and both times I missed those signs.

Sleeping and anxiety issues are also reminiscent of having a human baby-not that I have had that biological experience but have taken any one of my 5 nieces or nephews from ages 6 weeks on for any given number of days and those experiences were exhausting at that age. Much like them Bentley awoke at 2, and then again at 4 and like most babies decided that 4 a.m. was the perfect time to play.

As for her toys, she has decided that her big sisters-the cat are far more interesting and appropriate chew toys than her own. Of course she doesn't quite realize that the cat doesn't like her for various other reasons so for right now I'm letting them pick their battles and as long as the cat doesn't mind that her mouse now belongs to the dog...well then why should I?

A Change of Scenery

December brings with it a myriad of emotions for me as with it comes the 2 year anniversary of our unfulfilled due date. It's hard to believe that we would have a 2 year old toddler had I carried to term.

The first year we holed up in our homey abode. There were no stockings hung by the chimney, no Christmas tree permeating the air with scents of pine, and no Christmas cards sent. We did go through the motions, we went to my parents and his and exchanged gifts with the then numbering 4 nieces and nephews. Last year we bought the tree, and hung the stockings but a part of me still had no desire to really celebrate the birth of a child over 2000 years ago. Then I had a change of heart-it suddenly melted and I realized how blessed I am. No we weren't celebrating a first birthday but we were celebrating life and it was lovely.

This year its staring quite the same. I'm missing our baby boy, but I'm trying not to be melancholy about it. Instead I'm going to spend the weekend of our EDD in DC. Just two days away-a quick change of scenery and I can't wait. Of course we've already calculated the possible cycle days and where I will be. It seems that on my due date I will be CD 3, and I will be in the stirrups getting a lay of the land, looking at the internally scenery. Then I'm off...I'm going to spend two days the week before Christmas taking in DC in the snow, and I can't wait.

My husband? He's staying home w/the puppy who will still be fairly little...but me, I'm going to make his a yearly tradition--I'm going to celebrate what could have been instead of lamenting it.

Random...

Well here I sit CD 2. Sigh. That means I pulled a whopping 11 day LP. Blah.

We're off this month which I expected as is my norm. So this means we have ONE cycle that remains before our insurance changes. Adding insult to injury NO injections unless they are given by a doctor in his/her office, and the co pay has gone up by $20 an injection. At that rate I can't afford it. Hopefully the puppy will fill some void when she comes home in a week and a half!

The puppy is coming home in a week and a half! A co-worker said "I'm surprised you're not talking about it 24-7" I answered the way I would if I were pregnant "Well I want to make sure everything is OK before I let my guard down. I want to be holding her in my arms before I really let it sink in" WOW...that speaks volumes.

I got a "new" car. An old new car. I have a love of Neon's and well my hubby found me one that is perfect. Its a 98', and in excellent condition. It only has 115K miles on it, and is in excellent condition--I think it runs better than her big sister who is 10 years younger. Sure I will be jealous when my husband trades "his car" in on a 2011 beauty, but hey I love Neons!!

With AF here I still can't get back to my water aerobics class, and that bums me out...but soon I hope! Soon!!! If nothing else I can be sure I will be walking the dog around the block soon!

My Best Guess...

I've always known that at some point our infertility adventure would come to an end. Every journey does, I just guess I never thought about it coming to an end when our limited infertility coverage did. I guess I supposed that it would be on our terms. We would either be parents or we would simply have exhausted both our patience and our finances.

Certainly I do not know what the change in our medication coverage will mean. I hopeful that a doctor will be smart enough to realize that they are simply trying to circumvent "extra" medication floating around needlessly out there. My best guess is that the doctor would simply have the medication delivered to his/her office and the patient would take it home. Of course this is all a guess...and they could be wrong...

I'm hopeful still that we won't reach the end based on insurance, but you never know. I'm already feeling twinges in my ovaries from the growing follicles, and tonight I will give myself another injection of potential life growing medication.

I suppose I should stop worrying so much and just focus. There is a miracle out there...and who knows perhaps it could be mine!

In other news, we're getting closer to bringing Bentley home. I'm so excited. I actually feel like an expectant parent! There is so much to buy, and so much to do! Just like if i were pregnant...I guess.

25 Units...550 Calories...

My follistim shot HURT tonight. OUCH. It still burns as I write this. I'm thinking I hit a stretch mark or something. I have yet to check for blood, but I'm certain that if I did that I would pass out from the site. Ok, so I just checked and yup I hit a stretch mark OUCH. I'm a bit concerned that I'm not feeling any differently yet. I know, I'm only on CD 7, and hello we've only been stimulating for 5 nights. Actually concerned isn't even what I'm feeling, I'm feeling fairly mellow. I'm actually MORE excited at the prospect of bringing Bentley (our puppy) home next month!

Most women who are cycling (generalizing here) research egg quality, FSH count, IUI days, estimated due dates, and how many embryo's they need to get as best a shot at pregnancy as possible. Me, I'm researching crate training, the potty patch, and yes a bit about this breed with a baby...so I'm not a total loss as an infertility patient!

My work out tonight again was good. I don't think it was as effective as last nights, but I still feel the endorphins flowing! I'm actually STARVING now. I wasn't hungry when I got home, but now after burning 550 calories I'm hungry...and well since I'm trying to grow eggs that will potentially become one half of a very cute baby I better go feed this body.